hopefully understand how I feel.....

I always want to join with my hearing family but no communication to talk and i hate to write the paper that waste paper to talk and i know my families wishes me to hear from them or voice and they will happy to hearing my new voice when i have speech threapy and practice to hear from phone and i wanted to communication to my daughters but i have to sign language because if they dont understand me so i can sign when i do same time to use my voice and will help me follow up with my sign language and voice my mom know that i always do that and I really want to talk with my families also they will happy to hear from me like own my voice like new person to talking to my family walkers and wheelers that I dont want to be lonely like left me out not talk anyone because i am deaf but i did not meaning that to be negative thinking because that my feeling that way because when i talk to people and they always look other person to talk like i did not finish because i cant talking my own voice that they dont understand me what i saying like rusty speech that I want to coclhear implant and get to be new person to be me ......please let me know is it good idea and i dont care what is my age to be old and i still have time to get that and i hope you understand how i feeling and i am really READY for Coclhear Implant! thank you and Wish you warm for Merry Christmas! i will Keep You Posted!